warning

i went to see the doctor on friday and they made me fill out one of those stress tests (just filling out that form was stressful).  ridiculous, i know, me stressed?  what could i possibly be stressed about?  i am typically one of those ‘whatever floats your boat and wherever the wind may blow you’ kind of people…but apparently i have had a lot to be stressed out about in the past two years.  what does that look like in real life?  well, something like an ulcer, anxiety attacks, possibly even a  chronic condition like GERD.  seriously?  anxiety attacks? me!?  i mean, come on, are those even real?

i was just about to laugh in the doctor’s calm and knowing face when it hit me, like a big ugly spit wad from the mean kid in 4th grade…i am stressed.  i am stressed out of my “calm and collected” mind!  i yell raise my voice when i am on edge, can’t sleep at night, pray less, worry about insignificant things that are out of my control, do not eat the way i should, and am now having chest pains.  chest pains at 26.

i am sure there is some great, life-changing lesson i am supposed to be learning right now, but instead i have spent my time since visiting the doctor cramming like a med student over all of the possible diagnoses the doctor laid on the table…as well as second guessing her statement that my heart is in fact okay…i mean, what does the ekg machine really know anyway?

right now i feel bitter, and cheated, how could this all be my fault?  if by rising to the challenge and accepting all the curve balls thrown my way results in health issues, what other course is there?  maybe the surgeon general should start putting warnings on anxiety-producing life events…

congratulations on the upcoming birth of your child!  “warning! may cause severe, detrimental health problems if you are allergic to stress”

you just purchased your first home!  “warning!  you are about to think in the form of red dollar signs for the rest of your living days”

stellar job!  you get a promotion and the privilege of relocating!  “warning!  you are about to go through more changes than a one year old on prunes!”

okay, so that is a little extreme, of course i don’t expect the surgeon general to step in, but i am still a little peeved that this whole predicament is somehow my fault.  in a couple of days i will have gained some wonderful, peaceful perspective on the whole situation, but for now this is my message to the world:

don’t worry, be happy…or else!